cant sleep. big fuckin surpris huh? im failing the homeschool. like everything. i havent done a damn thing in a couple weeks now. i fucking hate it. on the bright side i have all the damn free time in the world! which of coarse sucks considering my entire life is in fucking burbank and i dont want to start a life here. i fucking hate north holliwood so much! like i know its not the worst fuckin place ever but compared to burbank this place is hell! its like usualy when i would have insomnia i would sneak out and walk for a while maybe go to 7/11 and hope elijah can sneak out too. bt here not only is there no where to fucking go but theres also no fucking elijah (nop pun intended) on top of the insomnia im freaking out right now! i feel like everything is catching up you know? i cant just fail but i cant bring myself to do the work. its not evan that difficult! for the longest time i couldnt explane why the fuck not. but you know what? i think i should just go back on the meds. (ADHD by the way) on top of that theres the whole dad thing going on. hes going to have a surgery to replace his knee soon. before he does im gonna try and go tell him that i forgive him but the guy has this fucking "im always right" complex so i dont know how hes gonna react to that. im getting high with wesley and paul sunday. i owe wes the weed anyways. but what the fuck was i thinking inviting morgan! i was t6alking to her the convo veerd in the direction of getting high and i wasnt thinking! its just a bad settup. paul will be there to be good at fucking everything and make me look bad bedause of it and wesley. well...hes just a douche! you know hes gonna fuickin cock block! its like what the fuck! its all getting to be too much. i mean im stressed out as it is! i have no idea how to bring up the meds to mom. i feel i need them but im not accactly a big fan of meds. i dont evan know if shel agree to it. pluss itl probably cost money and dads not paying the fucking child support and were short on money as it is. not to mention christmas and teds (lillte brother) birthday comming up. FUCK! im so fucking stressed right now. i feel l;ike iv probably missed some pretty important stuff at school too. you know like the entire fucking year so far. but what can i do? what can i do but freak out pace the floor and have a fucking mental break down and try to tell myself DONT PANIC.